August Reflection

Looking back over August, I feel like it has been a difficult month. I think mostly I have been dealing with my fathers death but I think it's more than that, its more like I have been experiencing things differently or not feeling like I would normally? I feel slightly 'off' - A lot has been going on, August has been super busy:

• Kids athletics
• Kids sport
• My sport
• Wife travelling/away
• Health issues (not mine so much as others in the family but they are complex issues not easily resolved)
• Work stresses - We are going into renewals season and we also have change proposals and major tech projects happening all around

We were so busy that we didn't really do anything for my birthday, not that I expect anything (I generally hate being the centre of attention). Cards and presents in the morning which was great and I will talk about the awesome Sauron (LOTR) Lego set I received. My main birthday present was my hockey goalie gear which I had received earlier in the year. I received some birthday messages via txt message and Facebook but ever since I shared my fathers obituary and funeral notice on Facebook, the algorithm has shown me nothing but death notices so I have largely been avoiding social media for the past month (pretty sure I have missed some messages). But after cards, it was quickly getting kids ready for sport, grocery shopping, I had a hockey game later in the day as well. My wife and daughter were also travelling that night so they had to pack and get ready. I went out to dinner to celebrate one of the guys retiring from our Hockey club and it was great to hang out with the club, but it just didn't really feel like 'my birthday' at any point during the day. Like I said, I don't expect anyone to make a huge deal over my birthday, and in all honesty, it was pretty much on par with previous birthdays. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it felt different and I'm not sure if its grief or pent up stress and concern over everything else that is going on but I feel kind flat. Going full meta, were my expectations different? I don't think so, so maybe I'm disappointed with myself for letting it all affect me in this way? Maybe just writing this down and reflecting on these words will help me pinpoint it, process it, and move on.

One thing that certainly helped was on the day after my birthday, I sat down infront of the tv and watched Dune 2 while putting together the Lego version of Sauron's helmet from Lord of the Rings (see attached picture). It certainly improved my mood! Maybe a bit of escapism is what I need - the additional stress of organising kids while my wife has been travelling, the grief from my father passing away, the stress at work, it all seems to be adding up. Not in a pressure cooker kind of way, it doesn't feel like things are going to explode at all, it just feels like everything has increased a difficulty level or something - like when you start walking up a slight hill. We will be travelling to attend my sisters wedding soon so a few days away will hopefully do us all some good and we can see the other side of the hill.